The Truth Stands On Its Own And Never Dies.

I remember when my father tried to rape me after I ran away from home. I ran from his house on Hunt Road, all the way to the Croisee, in Trinidad. I put pride aside and I called the mother I ran away from in shock – scared, alone and remorseful for leaving.

We went to the police station the next day.

I spoke of my account in vivid detail to the police officers present. The allegations were alarming and disturbing, especially since he was a nationally known public figure. My father started crying and lying, saying I made it all up. He denied it all.

Father Sexually Assaulted Daughter

I remember a female constable pulling me aside to say I should confess to her that I had made it all up, just to get back at him for not being there. I told her I WAS NOT LYING.

They did nothing.

They let my father walk away, to some years later, go get another teenage girl (younger than me), pregnant who presently has a child older than my teenage daughter.

My father would prey on teenage girls. Especially those from San Juan Government Secondary and Senior Comprehensive!

I was 14 or 15 at that time. I have since suppressed those painful memories until yesterday.

No one read this part of my essay yesterday. Nope. They didn’t care about how a then young teenage girl would almost be raped by her own father.

Instead, they focused on the real and true account of me finally identifying a man who intentionally and deliberately sexually assaulted me at a party some years ago.

I CAN NAME HIM AND I DID!

TONY X SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ME!

I don’t owe Tony X or anyone an explanation for me speaking my truth. Nor do I need his or anyone’s permission to not hurt his fucking feelings or those he is connected to. He did what he did. They don’t care about what he did. This accuser can stand in court – can he? GO CALL HIM OUT ON THAT!

The saddest and realest part about the response to that part of my story is that many people have come out to say that he has done it to someone they know.

This was the entire basis of my story – our community protects and defends people who violate and prey on girls and women. Caribbean men don’t protect our girls and women

So when I see problematic and asinine statements about “why she never make a police report” when it happened – hopefully some added context about my own personal history can address why some women, like me, keep some things to themselves.

Reporting Sexual Assault: Why Survivors Often Don’t

Most women do not report sexual crimes against them for fear of not being believed, fear of retaliation, fear of having their character assassinated and for fear of losing their peace and privacy.

For me, it has been – if my own father could deny what he did to me, far less for another man.

I wrote a piece yesterday using the reaction to a missing child to show how most Caribbean men do not protect our girls and women. Everything is a joke to them. I also chose to highlight how a lot of these people that get financial support and social endorsements, even those who are recognizable in our community, are actually well-known for having predatory or rapey ways and people turn a blind eye to this.

Just like your mother turned a blind eye to your rapist uncle and your grandmother turned a blind eye to her rapist husband! Just like you turn a blind eye to your friend who beats his wife! YOU ARE COMPLICIT IN THIS BEHAVIOR WHEN YOU DO NOT CALL IT OUT FOR BEING WRONG!

How can one bring about change without disrupting the very toxic beliefs and behaviors that people swear are normal?

I WAS BORN FOR THIS. MADE FOR THIS.
I CAN STAND WITHOUT VALIDATION FROM ANYONE. I AM CALLED TO DO THE WORK I AM DOING AND I STAND BY IT.

No one gets to tell someone who has been violated how and when they should speak their truth (if ever at all), as to not offend their violator or make other people uncomfortable.

No one gets to negate when it is socially acceptable to discuss uncomfortable conversations.

Why Women Can Take Years to Come Forward With Sexual Assault Allegations

Breaking stigmas and stereotypes is nasty work. Shaking up the status quo is disruptive work. Healing work is painful and dirty work. Standing up for your beliefs is lonely work.

Some of y’all own personal traumas, esteem issues and unwillingness to address your own painful past are showing. I would suggest you go get some help for the unhealed parts of you, for I have already been doing my healing work. I have been passionately pushing this agenda of mental health and wellness in our community for years. Judge if you may but I have been doing the work. What about your favorite Caribbean male DJ, promoter and artist. Show me their CONSISTENT POSITIVE COMMUNITY WORKS! Show me how they support, protect and treat the women in their lives and those around them.

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
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 Sweeping things under the rug, ignoring red flags, pretending it doesn’t exist or discrediting a true account doesn’t mean it never happened or no longer exists. “Where there is smoke...” I understand that some people can only understand from their highest place of reasoning and intelligence, while others have none or are blinded by their own shame and trauma. I challenge you to think. Really, deeply, think from the most uncomfortable places of your mind and heart. The truth hurts and destroys but it also frees and heals. Which would you allow it to serve you today? I choose healing and freedom.
 
A post shared by  Jay Blessed®️ (@realjayblessed) on Jan 14, 2020 at 7:21am PST
 

I have never been afraid to call a thing A THING. Or call something or someone by name. I have no issue addressing public issues or difficult personal matters. I live and own my truth.

I pray that by pouring out my soul and parts of my life that I hid in shame, that someone would find the strength and courage to honestly address their own trauma, or to even humbly address their victim.

The work that I do isn’t about chasing clout, it’s about chasing healing. It’s not popular or financially rewarding work – actually I pay thousands of dollars out of my own pockets to service thousands of people through my IN MY HEAD podcast with free information and weekly therapeutic content. A healing work that during 6-8 months of podcasting has now seen 31 people start therapy and 5 start medication.

I can take the beating.

Been getting it my whole life.

But I just challenge you to look deep within and heal, then look around you and challenge those you know who need help to true self-improvement. If not for their sake, for their children.

Mom…we may have an estranged relationship but thank you for what you did for me then. Thank you for believing me and thank you for doing everything possible for me to be left with dignity after that horrible situation. I am sorry for not believing you when you kept me away from him, for my own protection. Please forgive me for yearning to have a relationship with my father.

By the way, his name is Marinus Ayres but most know him as DJ Starchild.