UPDATE: Konshens Apologizes To Wife And These Are My Thoughts…

Dancehall artiste Konshens (born Garfield Spence) and his wife, Latoya Wright, are officially separated. This past summer, Latoya went public, informing the world that she was no longer with her husband. The two were a couple for six years before tying the knot in Miami, November 2017. However, they struggled to celebrate two years of blissful marriage.

You never missing the water till the well runs dry. You’ll never truly miss someone until that woman finds her senses and leaves your ass for good. – Jay Blessed

“You will wake up and grow up when she already gone. All she did was bring me the greatest happiness, only rivalled by mi kids’ births, stick by me no matter what and who going against me. Stop me from kill miself countless times after mi bredda drop out an mi get unstable. And counsel me when the world a come down pan mi … Sorry me f*&k it up.” This is an excerpt from Konshens’ Instagram post that has since gone viral.

For generations, women have been taught to be tolerant and indifferent towards men and their unhealthy, emotionally unstable, inconsistent, mentally manipulative, abusive and cheating ways because….listen to this….he’s a man – THAT’S WHAT MEN DO!

Identifying Toxic Relationships

Well, listen here….. I am happy that Latoya chose herself. Is it selfish of her to leave? Fuck no! It’s the healthiest and safest thing she could have done for herself and their son, Liam. How can she be her best self if she’s not in an environment conducive to promoting self-worth, positive self-esteem, peace, happiness and the things she desires most?

All those aforementioned things are FIRST a personal work. It is not her husband’s job to make her feel happy or to boost her self esteem – it is his job to create a safe space where she can thrive as a whole person to bring out those qualities she has worked had to create and maintain.

“The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.” – Bob Marley

I heard someone say, “But she’s so pretty though!” Pretty is not a protective shield from cheating, just ask Beyonce! And Jigga didn’t come to his senses until his 40s! Konshens is 34. There are some men who even leave their gorgeous women for those many might deem less desirable. Why? Because that other woman appeals to a deeper emotional need that he has, and needs to address. Though he may say (and even his woman) that it was just sex…it really wasn’t just about the sex. Trust me.

Our Caribbean men can talk a real good game but are they good listeners?

Konshens Apologizes To His Wife

But this isn’t about Konshens’ wife, this essay is about him. Everyone reading his post will arrive at different perspectives based on their own understanding, life experiences, present awareness (or lack thereof) in life and their own truth.

Here’s what he wrote below:

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 View this post on Instagram
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 You will wake up and grow up when she already gone. all she did was - Bring me the greatest happiness only rivaled by mi kids births. - stick by me no matter what and who going against me - Stop me from kill miself COUNTLESS times after mi bredda drop out an mi get fucking unstable. And counsel me when the world a come down pan mi. - Put up with Countless fuckery and handle it all with class and maintain respect and protect me image. - Love mi daughter like she is yours and grow her into a Lady. - Transform my mindset financially and show me seh the way i was handling money all those years was totally wrong. - Match me perfectly spiritually and physically - Partner with me in business and LIFE AND ME STILL FIND SO MANY WAYS FI MEK THIS FUCK UP. This is what happen when a likkle Jack get a QUEEN. This is a message to all men, step outa uself an look pan u life, look wat really important and dont mek Jah tek back him blessing. Mi no wah no sympathy, and yes i had to post this because a yasso mi vent mi have few frenz but none a mi fren dem nah go say “big pussy yuh nuh see seh yuh a fuck up yuh life”. Jus like how we nuh grow fi talk bout feelings an me did affi lose mi bredda fi know seh man have feelings, same suh we grow as womanizer and big likkle bwoy weh feel like money inna pocket is all,and think SELF SELF SELF and try mek up fi it by being great in other areas, anno suh it work. Yah go lose an lose BIG. Thank you very much @__latts__ best years of my life. Sorry me fuck it up. Mi aggo fix miself as a person and fix mi head to. And no matter where you go in life im going to be a call away watching and hoping you find real happiness wid sum1 deserving but i will be ready and waiting if u ever call. To all ladies i am NOT available and i dont want Nobody at all. Mi nah go depress unnu timeline mi jus a say dis publicly so everybody know wah kinda clown unnu deh yah a support an suh any man weh a clown demself can wise the fuck up now. Me aggo focus pan mi music an mi carreer, drop mi song dem an do mi work an go hard, focus pan mi kids and mi mental health and growth as a man an loww out bwoy life.
 
A post shared by  KONSHENS (@konshens) on Dec 4, 2019 at 9:37am PST
 

Let me unpack his message for you in my own words…

“I have superbly fucked up babe. I royally fucked up babe. I fucked up so many times I can’t even count. I tried my best not to fuck up but at the core of me…as much as I try to do and be good….I can finally admit…it was me…I am the toxic one. I always knew you were smart, so you leaving doesn’t come as a shock to me. I just believed I could outsmart you – I should’ve known better because I know you are a woman of your word and you warned me to be good to you. You warned me to be good to you because you tolerated all of my bullshit and could’ve left so many times but you stuck it out because you saw the good in me. You believed in me. I was too late to that understanding within myself and now I’ve lost you. I am sorry for fucking up the good thing we had but you are doing the right thing because even though I know I love you, I am not healthy for you. I am a toxic man trying to live a good life but I have yet to REALLY ADDRESS MY ISSUES! So thank you for leaving. It is forcing me to do what I must to really take care of the things I masked with music, women and childish ways. I failed as a man AND I OWN THIS. So thank you for giving me the space I needed to fix me to become a better man, better father, and maybe one day, a better husband. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME HOW MUCH WORK I HAVE TO DO ON MYSELF. I’ll always be here for you and if ever you should change your mind, I’ll be waiting because I will never find another like you!”

“The trust is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. I didn’t change, I just found myself. You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.” – Bob Marley

I applaud Konshens for publicly acknowledging his failures. Perhaps there were times he publicly embarrassed his wife, so this might be fitting to do.

The deeper message here though is his ability to own his truth and share his wisdom with other Caribbean men. Our men need more men coming to the forefront and owning their shit and showing how they’re going to fix it. By Konshens going public, he not only owned his truth, but he has also now enabled his fans to be his accountability partners, thus generating worldwide support to keep him focused.

There are so many things to unpack here, but as a woman who emotionally supports the men in her life and has loved a few and married one, I just wanted to share some helpful advice to our (married) men who might be emotionally torn and presently at a crossroad in life…

Tips For Men To Be Better Partners

• TAKE CARE OF HOME: Running the streets after tail when you have a wife at home – shows you’re an immature boy and not a grown man. Leaving home undone to run in the streets – boyish tings. Grown men always take care of home. Taking care of home is more than financial. It also consists heavily of physical presence and emotional support.
• CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS FOR YOUR FUTURE: Stop hanging out with your cheating ass, lazy ass, unmotivated ass, deadbeat dad ass, abusive ass, misogynistic ass, never doing nothing ass, envious ass bredden! Choose your friends wisely! If you want to keep your family together, spend more time with family-focused brothers and more married couples, like Nicole and Assassin, Shaggy and Rebecca, Bunji and Fay-Ann, Sean Paul and Jodi. But do your own personal work, everyone’s relationships have their own secrets and hidden issues.
• TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Conversing with your friends is cool but their perspective will be tainted by their own unhealed trauma and unhealthy coping/defense mechanisms. FIND A PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST AND CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
• PUT PRIDE ASIDE: Caribbean men and their egos go together like rice and peas. When it comes to love, the ego can not exist. If communication becomes difficult or even volatile, get an independent person involved. As a man, YOU make that move. Take that stand to get all the necessary help, if you know your relationship is worth saving – especially if you have children together. You guys are stuck for life!
• HOLD A MEDITATION: Be honest about who you are and what you want. Some men really do not want to be married. If that is you Sir, refrain from getting into a relationship or staying in a relationship with a woman who ultimately wants to get married. Do not waste her time. Do not stick her with children and have her hopes up. Do not create resentment and strife and then blame her for feeling led on for years.

People change. Time changes. Life changes. The only constant thing is change. Honest, effective, frequent communication can eliminate many unrealistic expectations and shattered hopes.

I pray that our brothers will shed the teachings of generations past and walk into the light of what masculinity really looks, sounds and feels like. Men are fragile too. Men have feelings too. Men cry too. Men get scared too. Men hurt too!

My IN MY HEAD podcast has given Caribbean men a safe space to share their honest feelings- without judgment. I will continue to create platforms for our Caribbean people to find power in their vulnerability, power to empower others with their experiences and power to live and own their truth.

Fellas, here are a few episodes you can listen to here:

Ep. 7: “Am I The Toxic One?”

Ep. 9: “Teach Me How To Love” (with Jason Rosario)

Ep. 28: “Living My Blessed Life”

Ep. 18: “Pain So Real You Want To Die.”

Ep. 27: “My Daughter Is Dead And Deserves Justice” (with Courtney K. Williams)

Ep. 20: “Finding Peace In Your Greatness.” (with Venor Yard)

Find all episodes of IN MY HEAD with Jay Blessed on Apple Podcast, Google Play, Stitcher, TuneIn, Soundcloud or Spotify! Coming soon to Pandora!

Konshens, whenever you’re in New York, stop by the studio and let’s help more men with your message. Sending you and Latoya – love, light and nuff blessings.

“Step outta yuhself an’ look pan yuh life, look wat really important and don’t mek Jah tek back him blessing.” – Konshens

UPDATE (12/6/19 02:12amET):  Seems like Latoya is going to make it work with her husband per her Instagram story post on 12/5. This is great news! But didn’t she post this summer that Konshens was single and she….nevermind. Either they love the public scrutiny and mixup that comes with them airing their personal business on social media; Konshens is about to release new music; they are vying for a spot on reality tv or they are both confused as fuck! Either way – I’m all for fighting for your marriage sis. Just don’t get upset when people have an opinion. Now go sign YOU and YOUR MAN up to therapy ASAP and keep unnu marriage bizness off social media! 🤦🏽‍♀️

My essay on Konshens stands!