Hey fam, long before I was a leading Caribbean podcaster, I was the poster child for Caribbean blogging. I have been doing some digging in the archives of the old JayBlessed.com to find some of my previously published articles and came across this viral piece on why I chose my mental health over work as a Caribbean entertainment blogger. From time to time, I will I post some of my classic blog pieces for you to read. This will be a recap for bonafide Jay Blessed fans, for newbies, well…you’ll get to see that I am not new to this.
The comments for MY HONEST REVEAL – Why I Walked Away From Blogging were filled with so much support. Even Necole Kane of the now defunct NecoleBitchie wrote her deepest pains in the comments, which ultimately led to her closing NecoleBitchie, going on a sabbatical and birthing XOnecole. This is what happens when you choose your mental health and wellness over fame and popularity.
Much love to Bobie Lee Dixon of T&T Guardian, who interviewed me two months after this entry for the full tea. READ HERE. Much love to all the writers, bloggers, creatives, producers, content creators – especially those who really are doing it for the culture. Your work is often thankless but you stay grinding — I SEE YOU!
I am a pioneer in Caribbean Entertainment Blogging and have the credentials to slide across any desk! Shout out to all the blogging babies I’ve birthed and shout out to all the people still rocking, still reading, still watching.
Sometimes you just gotta be on your cocky fresh to remind MFs who you are and have always been – A BAD BISH! – Jay Blessed
In the spirit of MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH, I figured someone might need to read this, to get the permission they need to be freed of the things that have begun to feel heavy and that no longer are sources of joy and peace. P.S. It’s a lengthy read.
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MY HONEST REVEAL – Why I Walked Away From Blogging.
Published on November 18, 2014 with 26 Comments”>26 Comments
“I’ve been planning on publishing this for some time now. Actually, I planned on writing this entry a year ago, but experience and reflective thinking was surely needed to add wisdom to my words, and for you, a better read. As I clicked onto my website, MY WEBSITE that I lived on every waking hour of every single day a few years ago, it all seemed foreign. I haven’t been on my JayBlessed.com homepage in months and my writing block caused me to dawdle on this screen for hours…
I walked away from blogging a year ago today.
Turned off my laptop and walked away from my daily life at JayBlessed.com.
The obvious question that has resonated through the months by those that once frequented the site, “Why did you stop blogging?”
The simplest answer, “I got tired.”
“To whom much is given, much is required.” – Luke 12:48
Though I had begun mentally escaping the site a few months prior, I finally mustered all my courage to just walk away from the platform I built. Built from the ground up with my husband. A website that excited me when I lured my first 10 readers to me acquiring my first record-breaking 300K readers per month. A platform I built out of my love for mass media and the passion I have for my Caribbean culture. My daily place of refuge and joy, where I could create original content and share network stories with my readership in over 200 countries, had slowly transformed into my source of anxiety, fatigue and depression.
I remember hanging in the balance of my feelings when I attended the Blogging While Brown conference in 2013. It was there I asked a profound question that shocked attendees, and even Necole Kane of NecoleBitchie.com, when I posed, “As an entertainment blogger, how do you fight the feeling of depression to write everyday?”
Necole had intimated during the Entertainment Panel discussion, moderated by Black Enterprise’s Alfred Edmond Jr, that she battled with feelings of sadness due to the obligations, sacrifices and all-round cost of being an entertainment blogger. The monthly financial costs of acquiring licensed photos were high, the cost of the website’s overall maintenance fees were crazy, paying “employees” or travel expenses or equipment, the cost of the lifestyle you either had to build or maintain to attend events, the cost of not having a life because you have to be the first to “break the story” and the cost of fleeting fame that somehow you had unconsciously or subconsciously bought into because as the well-dressed, articulate and beautiful messenger, that too was a price to pay.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), the largest scientific organization dedicated to mental health issues, women are 70 percent more likely than men to experience depression during the course of their lifetimes.
But as I sat listening to the leading entertainment oracles; Necole Kane of NecoleBitchie, Karen Civil of KarenCivil, Claire Sulmers of FashionBombDaily and Angel Laws of ConcreetLoop (who has since retired her blog), a few MAJOR THINGS stood out to me at that time – none of these chicks – NOT ONE – claimed to be in a serious relationship, married or a parent! By parent, I mean the caregiver to another human being and not a dog! So imagine being a leading female entertainment blogger, dealing with a gamut of issues, innumerable stories and daily bacchanal from the islands and Caribbean diaspora, the headaches of paid publicists that somehow believe you work for them (yet your pocket doesn’t reflect that), constant requests to be interviewed (but no one is going to transcribe and edit for you), invitations to attend events (let’s not talk about editing photos without a thank you or repost from organizers) ALL WHILE publishing an average of 20-30 stories daily as you simultaneously help your kid with homework while cooking dinner for your husband. I was becoming drained. No amount of time management can really help you juggle ALL THAT at once without tiring. Something will give. I tried and for the most part I did well, but the responsibilities were weighing on the captain of this ship. I was sinking. Stubbornly drowning with a pretty smile while weeping inside. Something gave.
(Photo Credit: Eva Greene Wilson)
This isn’t a complaint.
I am not complaining.
Even Superwoman needs a savior every now and then.
This is, in its realest and purest delivery, just a few of the things that (specifically ENTERTAINMENT) bloggers endure and overcome. My husband, who encouraged me to start blogging because I had the JAYBLESSED.com domain sitting for over 5 years, was now begging me to just walk away. It isn’t an easy decision to just walk away from your brand, your business, your baby! I’d be up for 24 hours, without sleep, just to blog for my readers. But the majority of people really didn’t give a shit about me or how I was feeling that day or if my kid was okay. The blog became my obligation to people I didn’t even know and who wouldn’t even give two shits about me! But I wasn’t doing it for the majority, I was doing it for my bonafides; the ones that loyally read every single day. The ones who trusted my stories and respected my voice, even when others didn’t want me to tell the truth! Some would even try to taint my reputation because as you know, the truth hurts.
81% of U.S. online consumers (readers) trust information and advice from blogs. – BlogHer
On every panel I was invited to speak on, I would religiously state that “blogging is a beast that needs to be fed.” I had surely created an insatiable monster and it was time to put it to rest before it killed me.
What do you do when your fire starts dying? For me the obvious answer would be to add an accelerant and set that sucker ablaze; but in my journey, I have learned that there is a natural ebb and flow to life. You can’t always be in the clouds; sometimes you have to chill in the valley. You won’t always sprint to the finish line; sometimes you have to commit to jogging there. You won’t always want to eat curry every single day, sometimes you might want to eat some damn pelau – with a side of coleslaw!
I used to shy away and correct people when they called me a journalist for I had not the degree to prove. But alas, I am a journalist and have the newspaper articles to prove it. I am an award-winning blogger and gifted storyteller. What I built in a little over two years off shear determination, faith and talent, most with degrees, will struggle to do in their lifetime. Some never even working in the respective fields of which they graduated. However my influence, power and name recognition became a daunting responsibility.
During my departure, I mentioned to my Facebook friends that I was taking a year off to focus on my family and specifically my daughter, as she was then in the pivotal 4th grade. Mimi Blessed is now 10, going through the tedious middle school application process. I am happy. I’ve been able to see my vivacious little lady to this point, through all the girl scouting, school trips, volunteering, guitar, violin, dancing, singing and acting classes! I needed this year to focus on my kid, my family and myself. Quite a lot has happened during this past year, enough for one to even succumb to a mental breakdown.
But this is the story of life though…peaks and valleys.
I am thankful I walked away from my blog – on my own terms!
I have been able to do a lot of traveling, thinking, building, sharing, loving, singing, resting, working, creating, all things positive that end with an –ing, including – NOTHING! I have been afforded grand opportunities to enjoying the simplest pleasure of picking my daughter up from school and have been making it all happen on my own terms, under God’s divine supervision. This is my definition of success!
With my abrupt departure, the other question I’m constantly plagued with, “Will you be coming back?”
“Yes.”
I’ve been waiting for months for someone to take up the blogging reins, watched from the sidelines but let’s be honest, there’s really no one like JAY BLESSED! *Dusts shoulders off* However, I do believe I am (just like you) very special and I confidently walk in that belief. I am presently working on redefining and re-branding the blog as I type. It’s a process that is taking some time as I have learned valuable lessons from the first time. That’s all I’ll share for now because as a creator you can’t share your yet-to-be established plans when copycats run amuck! It’s not shade – just a basic knowledge of human behavior.
“The greatest tragedy in life is not death, but a life without a purpose.”― Myles Munroe
Thank you to the loyal fans that have tweeted, emailed and inboxed me to inquire on my well-being and have encouraged me to get back on my grind! Thank you to the many contributors, writers, supporters, clients, mentors, mentees, sponsors, friends, acquaintances and online maccos that have supported JayBlessed.com on the blog, radio and webshow. My blog became the catalyst for major blessings in my life and into the lives of others. I am grateful.
(Photo Credit: Lerone Ault)
I started the blog at 26 in April 2011 and having just turned 30, what I know for sure is that you should NEVER let anyone dictate how you write your story; how you live in your truth; how you maintain your happiness. Your peace of mind is sacred – protect it for your life depends on it.
2015 is the year of divine recompense for me and I also speak it into your life. Every dream, goal, idea that you gave up on, or put to the side, shall be restored greater than it last was and you will have no lack in bringing it into fruition. It’s understandable to take a break, just don’t give up. Remember the blessing is in the follow through.
#75dollarsandadream
– Jay Blessed.
Facebook: Jay Blessed
Twitter: @JayBlessed
Instagram: RealJayBlessed
“You’re not truly blessed until you can be a blessing to someone else.”
– Jay Blessed
P.S. For those struggling with mild to severe depression, I encourage you to confide in someone you trust. Disclose your feelings with your spiritual leaders and/or invest time in yourself by seeking the help of a professional. In the meantime, you can take simple daily steps to renew your mind. I know how difficult it can be just to get out of bed, get through the seasons and survive through indescribable pain. Create goals, exercise, stay busy, surround yourself with positive people, avoid toxic environments, listen to music, read more, dance often, play and stay prayed up.
Here are some of the books I’ve read and have recently added to my queue that is sure to help:
1. Black Pain by Terrie Williams
2. Healing the Wounds of the Past by T.D. Jakes
3. The Secret (Extended Edition) by Rhonda Byrne
4. The Answer: Grow Any Business, Achieve Financial Freedom, and Live an Extraordinary Life by John Assaraf
5. The Power of Positive Thinking by Peale, Dr. Norman Vincent
6. Overcoming the Enemy: The Spiritual Warfare of the Believer (Six Pillars From Ephesians) by T.D. Jakes
7. Instinct by T.D. Jakes
8. How Your Subconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior by Leonard Mlodinow
9. Reposition Yourself: Living Life Without Limits by Jakes, T.D.
10. The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word by Joyce Meyers
11. Can You Stand to Be Blessed? by T.D. Jakes
12. Understanding The Purpose And Power Of Prayer by Myles Munroe.
13. Beauty for Ashes: Receiving Emotional Healing by Joyce Meyer
14. Let It Go: Forgive So You Can Be Forgiven by Jakes, T.D.
15. Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits: 14 New Behaviors That Will Energize Your Life by Joyce Meyers
See you at the top.”
Get into my new world on my popular mental health podcast. Listen to IN MY HEAD with Jay Blessed on Apple Podcast, Google Play, Stitcher, TuneIn, Soundcloud, Spotify and now on Pandora!
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